With today starting a new year, I think about what this next year will bring us. My first thought is that it won't be a very good one. I just want to get this year over with and see 2012 with our family back together again. Brian's leaving in just a couple of weeks and I just want to go to bed and wake up and it all be done.
But the very next thought is about all of the good things that will happen this year. The three best boys in the world will be growing before my eyes, providing endless entertainment (and yes, work as well!). I can't just fast forward a whole year of their life because of a deployment. I want to experience the little moments with them that I know will happen. I know that I'll look back and miss the days of them being little and if I had the ability to fast forward through the bad stuff, I'd miss the good stuff as well. So, I'm torn. I want the year to go by fast so we can put this deployment behind us, yet I don't want to rush our boys to grow up. I know for a fact that I want the next couple of weeks to go by SLOW and whatever 2 weeks we get to see Brian for R&R to go by SLOW. It won't though...those are the times that will just fly by. Funny how that works, isn't it? Normally, I try to change a thing or two for the new year. Resolutions or whatever you want to call them are sort of made in my head, but they aren't as concrete as some people make them. This year, this is what I want: I want to be a good mom and a good wife and get through this deployment in one piece. I want to yell less and hug more. I don't want to sweat the small stuff (although, I know that at times I will). I am going to try and accept help when I need it and not let pride take over as I try to do it by myself (this is a big one for me). I want our kids to know that they have two parents that love them to the moon and back and that no matter how far apart we are, our hearts are always together. I think survival is key this year. There are things that I know won't get done. I'm not going to try and do a picture on the blog everyday like some people in the blog world. A friend of mine is giving up McDonald's for a year...nope, not a chance. I'm not going to make sure the house is immaculate, because who am I kidding? There are days now when it's not presentable! :-) My main focus is to get my family through this next year and try and enjoy it as much as we can even while missing a HUGE piece of our family...a HUGE piece of our hearts. That's my resolution...
3 comments:
Very well put, Kerum. The fact that you can write about your fears and anxieties and verbalize your love for your family is already a step in the right direction. You know we will be praying for you, Brian and the boys each and every day--in fact, we are already. It will be tough and not much fun to have Bri gone but you'll do it because you are an awesome military wife. Call me anytime, day or night. I love you! M.
I totally hear you about the deployment! You will be fine! You are very strong woman, wife and mother. Plus, come April, Claire and I can come visit since we'll be in SC! :o) Hang in there gir!
What a great way to get to know you a bit, Kerum...I am really enjoying seeing this precious branch of the Milbourn family and reading your candid posts about life. I'm lifting you all in light and love as you step into the new year...and all that it brings to us all!
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