Thursday, March 31, 2011

Letting Go

So, I've decided to let go of my worry for Aiden's growth. I'm handing it over to God and seeing how that goes. He's GROWING, albeit a little slower than the other two, so I know he's doing ok. I know I'm providing enough as I can hear him swallowing and he is like Colten when it comes to length of time at the breast and when I think back, the frequency of nursing sessions as well.
I think parents always wonder if we are doing our job correctly. I was talking to a good friend yesterday about my worries with breastfeeding vs formula feeding. I have such mixed feelings. Our formula fed child is (and always has been) big for his age. As in 95 percentile for both height and weight. He was rarely sick (at least until he hit Kindergarten and even then, it's not as much as it could be). His only thing was that he had frequent ear infections. The two breastfed children are smaller for their age, both have skin issues and both seem to have pretty bad seasonal allergies already. I started to worry that maybe I made them that way. Was the fact that they were breastfed cause the skin and allergy issues? Were they supposed to be bigger and is the fact that they aren't because they were/are lacking in some nutrient that I'm not providing because of a deficiency in my diet (even though I take prenatal vitamins)?
It's funny because I had a lot of guilt over not breastfeeding Austin. That guilt came back when I started nursing Colten and Austin would ask if I fed him that way and why not. Now I started worrying over whether breastfeeding was doing the job or not and debated about supplementing.
Yesterday, while talking to my friend, I came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter. They are going to be the people they are meant to be. God knows what path He has chosen them to be on. Will they hit a growth spurt and be big like their brother? Maybe...or maybe not. Will they forever battle the Spring pollen or have to use Aquaphor on their faces all year long? I don't know. But, I'm done worrying about it. Here ya go, God. I know you'll take good care of those worries. I know you'll take care of our family if we give you the chance.
(Oh, and thanks Laura for listening to my ridiculousness sometimes! )


Anonymous said...

Good idea, Kerum, to give it to God. Not always easy is it?? You have special babies who are all different and God made them that way. God is in control so I'm glad that you are "letting go"! Isn't it refreshing? Love you! YaYa

Anonymous said...

I was going through a hard time letting one of my children go to war in Iraq. I just couldn't bring myself to let God be in control.
I visited with a great friend and minister, Rev. Britt Skarda. He heard my cries and concerns. He tried to calm my fears and told me. "Isn't it amazing that we can trust God with everything except our children?" Wise words that still carry me through times of stress for my children and my grandbabies. No one said it would be easy, but try to turn it over and trust! He really will carry you.